Mike

Mike,

I had an Uncle! When we first met, there are so many emotions that I went through.
You were at one point a good person I presume and your brother met my mother when I was only two. Dad became a provider for a single mother of two and our family was formed.

Did you know then what you would do?

My Dad, was and continues to be, the light of my life. He was a gift from God and could not have been happier to consider our small family complete.
The excitement of learning that I had more cousins, aunts and uncles brought me so much joy. I couldn’t contain myself.

Did you see this?

You were a clever one, I give you that. You waited and pounced when the time was right. My parents gave you way more trust than you deserved. With Mom’s help, I was able to determine this began around 1990. I was only four.

Do you remember what you did in the back seat when we went to South Padre Island?

My little sister was still an infant, only four years younger than I am, and my older sister was only two years older. I will never forget that Oldsmobile or that trip. You had me in the back seat and you pulled my pants down. I knew what you were doing and I began to cry. My parents heard my little sister cry and I took advantage and asked to go to the front. I was happy to be moved to the front seat. My pants were still half way down as I got up to climb over the front seat. No one noticed.

Time continued, and you moved in with us along with your girlfriend. Sandra. The already crowded apartment was small for a family of five and two additional people.

I figured since I had no choice in the matter, at least you have a girlfriend to keep you busy, would keep you from playing hide and seek and I didn’t have to worry about you. I remember thinking “Why isn’t she enough..i don’t even have boobs.”

Did you know of how aware I was?

She was supposed to take care of your needs, yet you began to talk to me more. Hide and seek in the bathroom seemed to be the game and place to go. I’ve tried to block those memories however nothing erases the image of you panting over my tiny body, smelling you’re dirty and the small curly chest hair rubbing against my face.

“Tell me if I hurt you. I don’t want to hurt you, I love you.”

Do you remember that bathroom?

That’s my last memory.

By this time in my life, you have been sent to prison due to your absolute lack of respect of the law and others in general. I was in a state of disbelief and sheer happiness when I was told you’d be gone. Were you gonna be really gone? Four years!? It was as if God had answered my prayers. I no longer had to worry about you coming over, leaning in to hug and kiss me on the cheek. Call me Baby, Sweetie, or Honey.

I never spoke a word to my Dad in fear of losing him, you must have known that.

Abilene?

I visited you in Abilene because I needed to know that you were locked away and couldn’t go anywhere else. I pictured you in a single jail cell, in a black and white striped shirt and pants. You belonged where I knew child molesters and rapists should go. I would often wonder what would cross your mind when seeing this little girl with your mother, a woman never accepting of a step grandchildren, sitting across from you with two inch thick glass between us.

Thinking back, did your mother know?

I could barely look at you straight in the face of embarrassment. I felt I was the issue and it was my actions that brought you upon me, but I also knew that it wasn’t me. It is you who is sick. Seeing you dressed in that white pant suit in front of me, I felt warm inside. Knowing you’d be treated as you treated me. You being in prison was the end of it all and I would no longer have to see you and planned I would stay away once those four years were up.

Fast forward to 2005,my freshman year in high school and you’re released (for the third time) and what you did to me has been on everyone’s lips.

Do you remember that day?

A phone call from my Aunt would bring your habits to light.
How do you answer your mother when she asks who you lost your virginity to? I lied and said it was someone else. She knew her daughter too well and
went straight to the police station to report what happened. At the time, I was within the statute of limitations, and I was determined to get justice for myself. Within hours, word got out and we began to receive a string of phone calls and visitors from “our” family.

Marriage, it’s only logical?

The kind of thinking that was happening was absolutely appalling. Your sister’s explanation: I lost my virginity to you.

The daylight turned into night and your family pours in, one after the other, as if a circus act of some sort and they just had to come see Ana. My initial shock came once the first round of family members, after all I could feel was the all too familiar numbing of my body as everyone’s questions began to inundate me. The long wooden table was surrounded by full grown men and women and a tiny fifteen year old at the end. Standing alone as her parents sat at that same table, expecting answers to the questions that were being shot at me.

Did it hurt?
Do you mean he was your first?
Why didn’t you say anything then?
You should remember if it hurt or not?

The person I ultimately gave into was my Dad. He came to speak after everyone left on behalf of his mother’s broken heart. Heartbroken that her son would have to return to a place so unforgiving. I felt for her and the importance of family has no other precedence. Mom told me it was ultimately my decision.

It took me two seconds to decide to drop the charges. I mean, I could lose my Dad. This was a serious situation and it was a no brainer. I would have my Dad by my side and be his daughter and in exchange Mike would walk. It was done.

You’ve been back to prison since then, what a shame. Not only did you put yourself back in, but I also no longer have my Dad.

You will learn how to live with your decisions and I have learned to. Mike, you raped me as a child and had no remorse. I will share this with everyone and anyone who wants to listen and maybe this will initiate a change within the statute of limitations for child molesters like you.

I end this with a wish to see you pay for all that you’ve done. I don’t wish you well or that you get help. As you’re aware, you can’t be charged twice so my wish for you is to be afraid every time you come close to a child. To feel the panic and blood rush through your heart as your shaky, sweaty palms prevent you to holding on to anything. In short, I want you to be afraid of me as I will now sentence you as you have me.

-A.L.O.-